and I say...

so, that wednesday..i was readmitted to the hospital. i went for an x-ray that day, and it turned out the lesions in my lungs were still there. on top of that, there was some fluid in my right lung, which was causing the pain (it wasn't muscle pain as i thought!). so back into the hospital i went. i wasn't prepared for a long stay at the hospital, so i didn't bring my computer with me that day. every day after that i lived with the hope that i would be able to go home soon, so the computer was never brought to the hospital.

the docs decided to treat me with an antifungal medicine called Abelcet, since i cannot tolerate the normal antifungal, Ampho-B. docs told me most patients don't get the side effects (chills, fever) with Abelcet. unfortunately, as i discovered, i'm not most people. while receiving the first dose, i got terrible chills. as it is, it was already painful for me to breath, so during the chills, the breathing difficulty became worse. that night i was struggling for breath. i saw my mum pacing here and there asking the nurses for help. my hands were turning blue. a doc later came and put me on an oxygen mask and sedated me, and i felt a bit better. man, it was a scary experience. it was the first time since i got ill that i really felt i was fighting for my life. i prayed to God to let me live that night. thankfully He answered my prayers.

after a couple of doses of the antifungal, i kind of got the hang of it. i take 2 aspirins, get a shot of petadin (a drowsy drug), make sure the antifungal goes in within 4 hours, and usually i'll be fine. my fever and breathlessness has gone now, but i'm still coughing. i now have a neckline (which looks more horrible than a long line), since the veins on my hands get damaged easily and had to be changed everyday.

so i was having fever, breathing difficulty, cough, etc. to add salt to the wound, i grew a lump on my upper left groin (near where i had the femural line). doc was worried that it may be a lymph node infection. i went for an ultrasound, which thankfully showed that it was just absess. there was some pus and blood inside. gross! at that time it was so painful that i was unable to walk. a surgeon came to have a look, he told me that it's quite small, and there may be no need to do anything. but i decided to have it removed, since i thought, i might as well bear the pain for one day and get it over with. but what nobody told me was, there is daily dressing after that!!!!! the pain is excruciating! thankfully, now the wound has started to close, so it isn't too painful anymore.

anyway, on tuesday the 25th, i had a bone marrow test. results were excellent, although docs said they can't really say i'm in remission. i still have about 8% blasts in my marrow, and to be considered in remission, one has to have less that 5%. i think these numbers are arbitrary, and i'm happy about the results. however with this 8% blast cells still existing, the docs had a dilemma of whether to give me another round of chemo, or to head for stem cell transplant as soon as the lung infection clears. both options have their pros and cons. to go for another chemo, i would risk more infections. on the other hand, we don't know how long it will take to get this lung infection to clear before we can do the transplant. so the worry is that the blast cells might come back if we take too long to clear the infection. in the end they decided to clear the infection and head for transplant soon after. in the mean time, i'll have to stay in the hospital to receive the antifungal every day until my lungs clear out. boohoo!!! so far x-rays have shown that the fluid is gone, however some lesions can still be seen in the lungs.

so that's my story to date. i got to go home today for a few hours. doc told me if i feel bored and i'm not having a fever, i can go home or go for a drive for a few hours. but i have to be back at the hospital in time for my medication.

till next time!

i might have to go back to the hospital today. yesterday i had a temperature of 39.8 degrees, and i find it difficult to breathe because my whole body aches when i attempt to take a deep breath. it's all because of the damned cough/lung infection that won't go away. the cough was so bad because it starts pulling my muscle everywhere. the cough has subsided a bit now, but my body still aches.

till next time.

woke up early today...well, 9.30am is quite early for me. took my medications, and went down for some roti sardin my dad bought me. yummy...! after that, i put on my mask to give my cats their medication. people in the house kept telling me that one of the cats ada kudis la, bleeding ears la, and i should take it to the vet. but nobody even bothered to give the poor cat her medication we got from two months ago! i thought i'd start giving the medication and see what happens..if it doesn't improve, then i'll take it to the vet again.

anyway, i'm supposed to be waking up earlier than 9.30am to get some exercise. doctor's orders. doc said i have to strengthen my heart and lungs before i go for transplant in february. it seems my lung infection is still there...my cough hasn't improved much since i came back..if this infection doesn't clear up by transplant time, then my transplant will be delayed. i honestly don't know whether to be upset or happy if that happens. on one hand, the faster i do it, the faster i will get better, insyaAllah. on the other hand, i heard some scary transplant stories that doesn't make me too excited to go through it.

mum told me yesterday that one of my roomies at the hospital died on christmas eve. She had Lymphoma. She was 22, on her way to becoming a nurse. I didn't speak to her much, she always seemed so weak and in constant pain. But at times when she was well, she was a very cheerful young lady. Her father brought me some telur ayam kampung from where they live. God bless her and her family.

after 52 days of being admitted, i finally get to go home last tuesday. unfortunately, i haven't been feeling too well since i got home...my cough came back, and i had a little fever.

i'm gonna go wash my face and brush my teeth now. bye.

Living with Tigers was excellent. It's about two men who decided to take two tiger cubs born in captivity into the wild and teach them how to become wild tigers.

Have to go back to the hospital tonight....what a drag. I haven't caught a fever since I got home yesterday, although my cough didn't get much better. Oh, did I tell you I have a physiotherapist? He comes everyday and knocks my back to get the stubborn phlegm out of my chest.

I hope i get to go home (for real) soon. My total white count is within range now, but my platelet count seems to go up and down as it pleases, so I may have to get a few packs transfused before they can let me go home.

nothing much going on. got a sore under my tongue that i feel like poking with a needle..arghh!

adios.

huh....i finally get to go home today. only for a day. i have to be back in the hospital by tomorrow evening...blargh. i feel much better now that i'm at home! and if i wake up early enough tomorrow, i'll be able to catch a rerun of Living with Tigers on Discovery Channel!

my brother's getting engaged today...i'm going to go sebok2 downstairs.