This time last year

This time last year, I was staring out of the hospital room window, watching the traffic build up.
This time last year, I watched the new year fireworks all around KL through my hospital room window.
This time last year, I was all by myself in the hospital room.
This time last year, I wondered if I would live another year.

This time, I'm getting ready to go the new year barbecue party that I missed last year.

Aight. I'm off! Have fun everyone! And be safe.

Getaway needed, a.s.a.p.

Early morning shopping at KLCC on Monday left me feeling a tad less than hot. The clothes were either too tight or too big for me. The hair stylist on Level 4 told me he couldn't help me now, but "do come back in a couple of months". Argh! And I'm facing a personal turmoil, but would rather not discuss it here for fear of sounding too whiny. So, a month after my Aussie adventure, I'm desperately in need of another getaway. It started simple enough, maybe a session at my facial place with mum. A few hours later, I had a list of things I'd like to do. As I'm writing this, I'm half-way through an online reservation at Shangri-La Putrajaya. Half-way being the keyword - because suddenly all sorts of other options came to mind, such as:

• A day at Genting Highlands
• Colmar Tropicale, Bukit Tinggi
• Half day at Dewi Sri Spa, Plaza Damas
• Steak at Jakes
• Singapore
• A night at Cyberview Lodge & Spa
• Half day with a genius hair stylist (know one, anyone?)
• Half day at old house, to collect clothes that were way too small for me a year ago, which will fit me loosely today

Note that all the options include activities that will leave me feeling fabulous. Oh dear, I'm starting to sound "soooo SJP*," as my friend would put it. Well ladies, a girl's gotta lurrvve herself, right? Anybody leaking pus out of their brains yet? Hahaha.

So I guess I'll spend today just taking my work trousers to the tailor for alteration. Then maybe a facial with my mum. Perhaps Shangri-La tomorrow night.

Well, have a happy new year everyone, wherever you plan to be! Mine will be the usual, which is anywhere convenient.

Ciao!

* SJP: Sarah Jessica Parker

Seeing Through People

Don't you just wish sometimes that you could see through people? Perhaps to read their thoughts, so you could make your next move? Or don't you just wish sometimes that people could see through you, so you never have to say a word?

D50 tip from WAB. Note to torque: You punya Leica tu bleh buat camni ke? Hihihihi!

Oh, Merry Christmas everyone!

2006 minus 9 days

I was cleaning up my office laptop just now, and suddenly felt a rush coming through my head. I start work in less than a month! After 1 year and 3 months of not working (and getting used to it), I suppose I'll have to take it one day at a time, until I get my groove back. Yup after that we can make a movie of How Nadio Got Her Groove Back. hehe. Wait. Did I even have a groove back then? hmm...nervous!! Well, I guess Boss was right when he told me, "don't worry, we'll start you slowly." Not too slow, I hope.

Flashback Thursday, 2nd September 2004. Morning in the office - I was telling aina and gang that I was feeling very tired. They saw the pale look on my face and suggested that I go home and rest. That was the last day I was at work, until now. I don't think I did much work that week anyway, what with the Merdeka Holidays and all. Oh well, it seems like that day was ages ago, everytime I try to recall it.

I suppose it's time of the year where everybody starts writing down their resolutions, hopes and wishes for the new year. Here's mine:

1. Stay in remission (next bone marrow biopsy on 5th Jan. erk, is that in 2 weeks' time?)
2. Grow hair (pakai shampoo Tongkat Ali ok ke?)

I've a longer list of things to do by year-end:

1. Get ready for work - clothes, laptop, etc.
2. Start sleeping and waking up like normal working people, not like a Batu Caves bat
3. Get all my MBA stuff ready (got really inspired after reading Dino's postings)

Adios.

Three Weddings and a Funeral

Yup. That's what I did today. A sad rainy day at a tahlil arwah improved as the day progressed. A family lost a member, six families gained sons and daughters. A survival of the human race.

Since it's almost the end of the year, it got me to thinking about my own gains and losses. People I've met told me how much weight I have lost. And I thought...yea, among other things. In one unbelievable year, I've lost my health, time, and a person I cared about. I've lost the freedom to do things without worrying if I would have adverse reactions, e.g. playing with my cats, eating salads, drinking unboiled water, etc. But then I started thinking about what I have gained. The knowledge. The realization that my family would do just about anything for me. The learning that good friends will always be around, even if love doesn't last forever. The different way of looking at life. The validation that God is always there to help us out.

I guess life is fair after all, and in the end everything balances out. Personally, I think I have gained more this year than I have lost. And the cycle continues as life goes on.

Here's to a special year, and good things coming.

Al-Fatihah

As the outing with the girls (and boys + baby) was just starting to pick up pace, I received a phone call saying that one of our seniors passed away at 9PM. She had Mixed Connective Tissue Disease and became critical in the past couple of weeks. She was 30. My last communication with her was 5 months ago, it was a thank you email for the "good luck" Spa Treatment she bought me before I had my stem cell transplant. We were both on the same medication that causes hair loss, and there were many hilarious emails exchanged debating the best ways to deal with it (wigs? tudung? au naturel?). Despite her own illness and having lost her father to cancer recently, she always encouraged me to be strong and to face my challenges head on.

My heartfelt condolences to her mother and sisters.

To a very special person who fought till the end. Al-fatihah.

Day +155

Blood counts OK, but liver enzymes still elevated. Planned for a liver ultrasound and Bone Marrow Biopsy in January. Since I had Refractory AML, Doc planned for my brother to donate his lymphocytes to minimize my chances of having a relapse. Medication-wise, Doc reduced the Ciclosporin, and stopped my Bactrim. He instead gave me Pentamidine through a nebulizer, which extended my visit to the clinic to an extra two hours..I was so bored that i fell asleep with the nebulizer covering my nose.

D50 tak D50...last2 camera Nokia jugak yang handy. Hehehe

I had to inhale the Pentamidine until it dried up. Yuck.

Reflections

Went to see Narnia with Pak Mok and Z last weekend. I thought the book was better than the movie. Oh well, it's always that way anyway, innit?

Slow weekend, otherwise. Spent a couple of hours reflecting upon my life. The Friday night out with friends and new friends was rather exciting, I thought. Perhaps the discontinuation of the steroids has reduced my self-conciousness. It felt awesome!


Reflections by the lake, from my Nokia lens.

Subsequent reflection photos will be shot through my brand new Nikon D50, which I'm very excited about. Still trying to learn the ropes on that camera, hoping the shots will be worth the money I spent. He he he!

Off to the doc's again tomorrow. Have a feeling everything will be well.

Aah..life is good, I say.

Pictures from the highway

I just love how striking this building is


And this...very disturbing

Livin' it up

Been itching for interesting things to do since Tuesday, so I decided to spend my days like a tourist in KL. First stop, National Monument. Spent an hour plus there snapping photos, and I was sweating like crazy already.

Go here for more piccies. I guess the Lake Gardens will have to wait another day.

Cerita pasal penyakit

Haven't written about my leukemia for quite a while, because there's nothing much to write, really. I hope in time there will be no more to write about and we can forget about the whole ordeal.

To cut a short story shorter, let's just say that everything is turning out well, thus far. Alhamdulillah.

Australia 2005

Strolling by the harbours,
Waiting for sunset by the beaches,
Lazing in the gardens,
Sipping lattes in the cafes,
Munching on cakes everywhere,
Having dinner by the river,
Watching the birds near the wharfs,
Poring over city maps,
Driving along the Great Ocean Road.
And this I must say,
I had a wonderful wonderful time away,
Though it was for a very short stay,
Where my only problem was deciding what to do day after day.
If a time came where I had nothing to do after a whole day,
I pick a beautiful spot and just idle around for a couple of hours,
and let my troubles slip away.
(eh, berpantun pulak aku ni ye...)


Resting my feet at Manly, while watching kids play in the cold sea water.

I'll let the pictures do the talking. For more, click here.

selamat pulang

My heart sank as the aircraft lost its altitude for landing in KL, just like it soared when the plane was taking off for Sydney two weeks ago. I had a blast with the temporary escape in the land of no worries, exploring cities and enjoying the cooler temperature. Am now landed back to reality, feeling rather down. Not that i don't miss my family and friends, i just wish i could stay there longer.

Will upload pictures soon.

Finally, with my very own eyes!

The Sydney Opera House. Though magnificent, I thought it was a bit overrated. Much like when I went up the Eiffel Tower in '98. he he he.

Can't write much. I'm having a blast here just idling around getting a feel of the city. Ciao!

1 day to go

First stop: Sydney
Goal: Peace of mind


Picture borrowed from www.austspiritsailingco.com.au

See you in a few weeks. With my own pictures.

KLIA Mosque

Went to see an old friend at the Concorde Inn KLIA yesterday and stopped by the mosque to take pictures.



For a couple more, click here.

Lagu feylong di malam hari

I've been dying to use the word feylong since I haven't heard it in 10 years. Then, like magic, out came this song. Lagu paling feylong dalam dunia. hahaha.

Brian Mcknight's One Last Cry
"...one last cry, before i leave it all behind..i gotta get you out of my mind, for the very last time..been livin' a lie...i guess I'm down to my last cry..."

Since I've been feeling rather down, I thought I might take a trip to the land of down under for some rest and fresh air. Couldn't wait to book my flight after getting an OK from the doctor today, but now I can't seem to find the bloody passport. Yeesh! Why do these things always go missing when you need them? Geram betul lah! I think got toyol lah. Will keep looking tomorrow.

Visit to the doctor's office today was good. My blood counts are normal for my standards. The liver enzymes are also improving though still on the high side. I'm off the prednisone - the steroid that gave me the bloatedness. The doctor said that in three weeks time he'll reduce the other steroid (cyclosporine) if things continue to go well. Received a copy of the official bone marrow biopsy report which said that my brother's stem cells have engrafted well in my body.

I quote James Brown,
"I feel good..(te-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne) I knew that I would. So good, so good..I got you. Whoa!"

Till then.

Words of wisdom from my old man

"You must believe there is a hikmah behind everything that happens. When you got ill, it wasn't just a test for you, it was also a test for everybody else around you. Some are just not strong enough to get through it and it's normal. Remember though, it's not the end of the world for you."

Yes, dad.

"You know, you've been through a lot worse. The way I see it, your main concern now should be your health. Everything else is secondary. I don't want you to get stressed out by these kind of things, you understand? Do you think you can manage that?"

I don't know, dad. I guess so.

"When you stress your mind, you stress your body, which is not what you need right now. Just try not to think about it. OK?"

OK dad.

Painful Truth

Many of us say we always want to hear the truth. But most of the time, when the truth gets thrown into our faces, we are never always strong enough to take it, especially, especially when it comes to a painful truth. Maybe it's better to be kept in the dark, strung along, hung by a thread or however people put it, because that way, the pain becomes more bearable. Maybe not. No man was born with a contract that life will be fair to him. Pain will come, but it will also go. We, as human beings, will just have to manage it in our own ways.

From the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy, one of Dr Grey's many ponderings:

"As surgeons, there are so many things we have to know. We have to know we have what it takes. We have to know how to take care of our patients, and how to take care of each other. Eventually, we even have to figure out how to take care of ourselves. As surgeons, we have to be in the know. But as human beings, sometimes it's better to stay in the dark. Because in the dark, there may be fear, but there's also hope." (Cut scene to end of episode)

Kucing

Nothing better to do on Hari Raya, so I started taking photos of Cookie and Alf.

Check here for a few more.