Friday, 3rd September 2004. it was the third day i took sick leave from work that week. it was also my third visit to the panel clinic in the same week. i had my blood sample taken the day before, and that Friday went back to the clinic to find out why i was so pale. the doctor i saw a few days earlier told me that he would start me on folic acid and iron pills once the blood test results came back. never once did it occur to me that I had leukemia.
since it was a Friday and there was Friday prayers, it was almost impossible for me to get a cab from my house to the clinic. i called Z maybe a hundred times but he never answered (turned out he had a fever that day). i would have driven there, but my car wouldn't start. after calling a few more cab companies, i finally got one who was willing to take me to the clinic. even so, the driver dropped me off about two blocks away, despite me telling him that i wasn't feeling very well. so i forced myself to walk the two blocks, which was about 300 meters, while silently cursing the cab driver. after 15 minutes of walking and managing not to cry, i arrived at the clinic, feeling as if i could faint at any minute. the 300 meters felt like 300 kilometers. it was the most tiring walk of my life. i took a breather for a couple of minutes and informed the receptionist that i was there for a follow up with the doctor.
after a few minutes in the waiting area, a nurse called me in. it was a different doctor, not the one who ordered the blood test. i think the clinic has a rotation system or something. i sat down, and said to him, "so, how did the blood test come out?" He looked at me, placed my blood test results in front of me, and pointed to the section marked "Impression". It said "Suspected acute leukemia. Urgent bone marrow aspiration needed." If i wasn't already as pale as i was, i could probably have felt the blood rush at that moment. My first thought was, isn't leukemia a type of cancer? Me, cancer? After a few seconds, the doctor looked at me again and said "Do you know what it means?" I hesitated and nodded my head. The doctor instructed me to lie down so he could feel my spleen, liver, kidneys etc to see if there are any enlargements. When he finished, he told me that it seems that my organs are in normal condition and told me that i could sit down. I sat down and asked him, "Where could I get a bone marrow aspiration done?" He told me that he would refer me to a specialist in SJMC and that I would have to go there immediately. I said OK, and asked if he could kindly tell the nurse to call a cab for me because I didn't have a car. He gave me a weird look, but agreed to my request and asked me to wait in the waiting area. At the time i thought he was thinking that it wasn't his job to organize the logistics. But looking back, the doctor was probably thinking that i shouldn't be driving at such a low haemoglobin level. i was in dire need of blood transfusion, but of course, i didn't know that back then. I was only vaguely aware of what haemoglobins are (i wasn't very good at Biology in high school). The fact that I could still walk at the time remains a mystery.
as soon as i was out of the doctor's office, i walked straight out the clinic door, found a trash can and threw my newly bought pack of Malboros away. Until now I don't know why I did that. Scared, maybe. As if it would erase what just happened in the previous few minutes. After that i called my mum, who was very shocked to hear the news. Next I called my dad, who asked to speak to the doctor, and then told me that he would come fetch me at the clinic. As I waited, i constantly reminded myself that nothing is confirmed yet, and the blood test result only said "suspected".
40 minutes later my dad arrived at the clinic.
to be continued...
