poor Cookie part 2

as if the skin cancer wasn't bad enough for her, i accidentally got her head stuck at the electric gate. she was just trying to follow me out. her nose and mouth bled, and she's now still recovering from the pain and shock.

:-((

poor Cookie...

brought Cookie to the vet again today. The head vet confirmed that it is skin cancer. He said there's nothing much he could do. The cancer will spread to her spleen soon, and he said she would live for another 6-9 months. In the meantime, i'll just have to keep her as comfortable as possible.

when in KLCC...

...do as shoppers do.

couldn't resist the green adidas shoes that were going for 40% discount. Wanted to buy them last year, but at the time i thought they were a bit too funky for 200 bucks. since they're now in the sale bin, i decided to just grab 'em. i tried on some very comfortable 3.5" U.R.S. heels, luckily they were out of sizes and I couldn't figure out where I would wear them, since I'm not working. hope they will be on sale when it's time to go back to work.

went to the office to collect some claim cheques. while greeting some colleagues there, I had a sudden yearning to be back to work. until i got stuck in the traffic jam on the way home. yergh, i guess i'll make sure i'm properly recovered. :-)

dumb cat

bargh...alf got stuck on the roof again. she's making so much noise because she can't come down. i've been standing on the roof for 1/2 hour coaxing her, to no avail. i don't know what to do with this cat..!! when she was 1.5 month old, she fell from three stories high and passed out for about 10 minutes. ever since, she's got this obsession with high grounds...what a pain in the bum!

woke up very early today, went jogging (more like power walk. i hate running). lots of elderly people in the morning. a bunch of aunties practicing some barn dance. a couple of boys skateboarding. the air wasn't so fresh since the lake stinks. noticed that 95% percent of the park visitors wore Power shoes. gained back what little calorie i burned with a nice piece of roti sardine. nevermind, i told myself. the purpose of the exercise was to strengthen my lungs, not to burn calories. heheh.

"saya akan cuba yang terbaik"

i think, if i hear one more person say "saya akan cuba yang terbaik", i will puke the chemo out of me. and this is only the start of the AF3 season. can't they find something else to say?

ok lah, saya akan cuba yang terbaik untuk tidak muntah setiap kali saya mendengar sesiapa menyebut ayat "saya akan cuba yang terbaik".

babai!

it was a short day

it was a short day. woke up at 4.25PM, as a result of sleeping at 6.35AM reading a book. saw a movie called Deux Freres (Two Brothers). It's a touching film about two tiger cubs who were separated from each other when they were young after their parents were shot by hunters. Kumal, the fierce brother, was sent to a circus, while Sangha, the shy cub, was brought up in the Maharaja's palace. They were brought back together a year later, forced to fight each other on a fighting ring. So strong was their brotherhood bond that halfway through the fight they recognized each other and decided to thrash the village instead. They later ran off into the jungle where they were reunited with their mother. Another tear jerker starring Guy Pearce and two tiger cubs. :-)

Konsert Prelude Akademi Fantasia 3 turned out somewhat resembling Bintang RTM. Am quite satisfied with the judges' choices, although given the opportunity I would choose perhaps only 3 out of the twenty. Where did all the talents go? Malaysian Idol?

My cat Cookie's skin has gotten better around the ears, but there seems to be no improvement on her back. I have to take her to the vet again next week. Since it was determined that there was no fungus, the vet said she suspects it is skin cancer, although she couldn't see any cancer cells under the microscope. I can't bear to give her away to SPCA in case they put her to sleep given her condition. Since the vet said she couldn't see anything infectious (for me), I guess we'll just keep her. It makes me sad watching her in the small cage, crying for us to let her out and play. But the vet told us not to let her touch ground for a couple of weeks, so I guess letting her out will be against the vet's orders. I long to touch her and hug her like old times, but that would be against my doctor's orders. So I just watch her from outside her cage, and tell her that we will both be OK someday.


Cookie keeping me company in the good old days.

aahhhhhh...

fuh. went to do a bit of shopping today. i'm like a smoker who desperately needed her nicotine fix. instead of the urge to light up, i have the urge to charge my credit card to something everyday. i fought hard today, and couldn't contain it much longer. at 4PM, i decided that I had to go out, or I would just faint of boredom.

Went to Ikano and here are the things I bought:

1. Quilt cover
2. Storage Box
3. Mouse pad
4. Cat food
5. Chocolates
6. T-shirts
7. Dilbert book

I feel much better now.

And here's a picture of my new Ah-beng mouse, since my 7-year old Microsoft mouse died on me recently. (OK, it didn't really die, it just needs a thorough cleaning. I just needed an excuse to get an optical mouse. Will keep the faithful Microsoft mouse for when I get back to work.)

Oh. I heard Star Wars 3 came out yesterday. Is it any good?

i'm.so.bored.

things i could do to wipe the boredom, but too lazy to start:

1. my thesis
2. learn how to program a palm application
3. read

what i really want to do is to get out of this house, go to a mall and window shop. but i'm getting tired of having to ask permission everytime.

blargh.

bone marrow aspiration results

the doctor said, my bone marrow looks good, with less than 5% blast cells. for the first time ever, i am considered IN REMISSION. got a nudge from my mum when i blurted out "Yayyy!!" instead of Alhamdulillah. Well, i did say Alhamdulillah in my heart. I just thought "yay" was more appropriate for the doctor, who probably wouldn't know what Alhamdulillah means. So the plan now is to continue taking Voriconazole (this is an awesome antifungal drug, btw) for the next two weeks and have a CT Scan to see what my spleen is up to. The doctor said that he'd prefer for me to have the bone marrow transplant by the end of June, the latest.

Smiles and yays aside, condolences to the family of my fellow AML patient, Guna, who recently died from lung infection. He was always a happy and cheerful dude, and he looked like the type who would survive something like this. I just wished that I had known him better.

say cheese!!! a group pose of my medicines

lovely bunch, aren't they?

the chronicles of september 2004 - part III

part I, part II

Monday came and the consultant said that she wasn't able to schedule a bone marrow aspiration over the weekend. Didn't the blood test say 'urgent'?? Well, anyway, it was scheduled for Tuesday, so I waited another day at the hospital. At that point I was feeling much better, and believed that nothing was wrong with me.

I had my very first bone marrow aspiration that Tuesday morning. It wasn't very pleasant. In fact, it wasn't very pleasant that I cried. I was already given 7.5mg of domicum to sedate me and they wouldn't (couldn't) give me anymore. I felt the needle going through my bone (yikes!) and a couple of seconds later, heard the medical officer say "i couldn't get her bone marrow, we'll have to try again." At that point I started crying. The MO told the nurse to get the consultant. The consultant came a few minutes later, told me to be brave, and took my bone marrow sample. With ease. I learned my lesson that day. After that, everytime I need to have a bone marrow aspiration, I will specifically ask for the consultants to do it. It's called pain management, and it works. :-)

Wednesday, 9th September - I anxiously waited for the doctor to see me. Around 10am, she came to my bed, and said to me, "I'm afraid it's not good news, your bone marrow test shows that you have acute myeloid leukemia."

(gulp) "OK."

"Is there anything you'd like to ask?"

"Yeah, uhm, how bad is it? Is there like a stage?"

"No, there are no stages for AML, there are types, and you've been diagnosed with AML type M2."

(Is that a good thing or bad?) "Right. Uhm, so what happens now?"

"I'd like to start you on chemo right away, but you'll have to come in for counselling first tomorrow. I'll see you at 2pm tomorrow, ok?"

"Sounds good. Err...would it be possible for me to go home today?"

"Yes, sure. Come and see me at the clinic tomorrow then."

"Thanks."

And so it starts. Chemotherapy (which wasn't too bad), the countless blood and platelet transfusions, the fevers, infections. The attempts to looking strong and being strong. The learning experience - how the health system works, how blood is produced, how the IV drip works, and countless more.

I remember a phone conversation I had with Z that day. He kept asking me if i was ok. I told him, "bee, if you and everybody else would just stop asking me that, I will be."

and I always am OK, if not perfectly so.

Owen relaxing in the Sunday sun.

probably wondering if he's going to eat soon


stretching away


the portrait of an orange cat


the green green grass of home

twist of fate

i have been walking around without my identification card for the past 6 months.  mum misplaced it during the hassle of registering me into the hospital.  searched all over the house and couldn't find it.  i finally thought, "what the heck, i'll just go get a new one".  so I went to JPN yesterday and paid 40 bucks for a replacement card.

 

and guess what? mum found it this morning, in one of our drawers.  eeriee, isn't it?

test from phone

I am such a geek with nothing better to do on a Sunday afternoon.

tuesday @ the hospital

arrived at the hospital early morning to find out that i wasn't booked for the bone marrow aspiration. luckily the sister at ward 21 sorted things out for me and said I could have it done at Ward 19. she also said i could rest one of the rooms in her ward after i'm done. Thank God for that, I was quite nervous of being in an open ward.

anyway, nothing much happened. was anxious throughout the 3 hour wait. for some reason the doctor's ward round took longer that day. I was called into the treatment room at around 11.30AM. Doc asked me some regular questions, e.g. if i am eating well, if i lost anymore weight (i wish!), if i had any fevers, etc. I just told him that I'm feeling excellent in general.

the last thing i remember was asking the doc if 5mg of domicum is enough to put me out, and he said yes.

when i woke up, it was 1 o'clock.

** saw Guess Who today. Damn, i think i have a crush on Ashton Kutcher. He's such a pretty boy.

Konsert Prelude Akademi Fantasia 3

Astro Ria, Saturday 21-May-2005, 8.30 PM. Hehehe...can't wait. Let's see how i've evolved into an AF maniac:

2003 - Not cool to watch. My favourite phrase was: Euwwww! Akademi Fantasia? Who watches that stuff?

2004 - Weekly concerts a must watch on TV. Favorite phrase: Can you believe Mas is still in there??

2005 - tak sabarnye....!!!

I have never voted though. Should i?

+++++

BTW, ultrasound went well. Last time i had an ultrasound, the spleen absess was quite obvious. Now the doctor couldn't even make it out. He said it's probably about 1.8cm in diameter now. But will still have to do a CT Scan to confirm. Anyway, one thing at a time, let's focus on the bone marrow aspiration first tomorrow. Hope today's streak of good news will follow through. :-)

afternoon update

just came back from seeing the datin. all my measurements seem to have improved. especially my liver and spleen. checking for cancers, it seems that the organic germanium that I have been taking is having less effect on the leukemia, which in this case is a good sign. i'm too lazy to explain right now how the machine works. maybe one day i'll write a whole entry about it. (do i still owe this blog a part III of a certain chronicle?) .. huh, too much to do, too little time. (jangan marah ye office-mates kekekeke)

anyway, i'm having a spleen ultrasound this afternoon. so we'll see if this morning's readings tally with what we see in my spleen later. i hope the absesses are gone, but i must admit that i am feeling a tinge of pain in my spleen from all this anxiety.

relax....relax.....just relax....

ps: oh ya...do listen to the debut album of Shanon Shah - Dilanda Cinta. He's good. He's different. It's refreshing.

Nifty Palm Applications!

I was scouring the net for free palm software last night and came across these

Epocrates: Drug index. Contains information almost all drugs, complete with drug interactions, adverse reaction, etc. Of course, you will have to get this information updated regularly to get the latest drug index.

ProfileMD: An application that keeps records of your health information, e.g. allergies, medications, clinical visits, shots, family history, symptom logs, etc. Quite nifty! Unfortunately only available for Palm OS.

Autobuddy: Don't have the link. Search for it at www.palmgear.com. Keeps track of your car services and repairs, etc.

i downloaded a few hundred other applications, but so far i'm quite excited about these three.

btw, did anyone go to the Times Warehouse Sale in PJ last weekend? It was pretty awesome. Thank goodness the place wasn't too crowded when i arrived . I bought Dan Brown's Angels & Demons, Illustrated Edition out of greed and the uncontrollable urge to spend.

was also flipping through "Man are from Mars, Women are from Venus" over the weekend. Quite a good book, i must say. Certain things I've always wondered about men, i understood from reading that book. For example, when my boyfriend always tries to offer me solutions when all i wanted was to pour out my problems - it's because men in general feel more satisfied when they get to solve a problem, rather than talk about it (like women). Anyway, cool book and all. My only question though, is, before the Martians and Venusians got together on earth, how did they reproduce in their planets?

Got my appointment with the datin in a couple of hours. Hope the follow up test with her machine will be good. Tomorrow bone marrow aspiration (will do it under sedation) to see if the level of blast cells in my bone marrow. Aiming for less than 5%. Amin, amin, ya rabbil 'aalamin.

i think i'm becoming a shopaholic

help!!! i'm shopping too much. damn the empty malls during the weekdays!

anyway, next wednesday i'm due for a bone marrow test. wish me luck!!

over n out!

CELEBRATE LIFE

oh by the way, i was at Starbucks today and found that they are selling the CELEBRATELIFE yellow bands for the Malaysian National Cancer Society. I thought the design is a tad unoriginal, copying the LIVESTRONG design. But the proceeds go the the National Cancer Society, so nevermind-lah. The bands are selling for RM5 a piece.

wireless mania

darn it! these thing will never work properly will they? i have yet to figure out how to browse the network from my palm, and how to Hotsync it via bluetooth.

(would've probably solved the Hotsync issue if i had walked my ass 10 steps to the next room and grabbed the Hotsync cable.)

will try again tomorrow.

yesss...!!!

i got the palm browsing thing to work, with a software called Softick PPP. l had problems before because i couldn't figure out how to get it to work thru a wireless LAN. softick solved the issue.

ok, whatever. now what?

note to self - buy new screen protector

test

helloooo....!!!

bluetooth

i just purchased a bluetooth dongle so i can get my phone, pda and computer in my little personal network. there is absolutely no need for me to get the dongle, actually. i just wanted to make certain things on my phone and pda work. for example, i haven't been able to browse the net via my pda since i bought it last year. not that i really have to, since i have a 20" computer monitor in front of me, but it would be nice to get things to work for once. hehe..it will be a little project for me - to get all these gadgets to work together.

today has been one of the most productive days for me. yay me!!

sleep tips

does anyone have any tips on how to fall asleep easily?

i cannot go on like this.

although i get enough hours of sleep (by waking up late), it is not the most optimal way for my cells to regenerate.

so if you have any tips/tricks, let me know.

i guess Tip #1 is Do not sit in front of the computer for too long.

he he he.