Wednesday, June 15, 2005

last (wo)man standing

Grim day so far. Waiting to see the radiographer at the Radiotherapy and Oncology Dept. It's giving me the creeps. Just sitting here makes me feel like the side effects of radiation are coming up already. My throat feels dry. Hurry up! I don't like it here!

I met a couple of my fellow leukemia patients at the clinic this morning. Was told that a friend, another AML patient, C, passed away last monday due to lung infection. He had a better prognosis compared to me, since he went into complete remission after the first chemo cycle. He was always a kind and fun person to talk to. My condolences to his family. I'm getting increasingly worried as i hear about more patients who did not make it. First Guna, then C. I've always fancied the three of us as a gang (a muhibbah one, to add), since we are all in the same age group. I often imagine that sometime in the future the three of us would sit together and talk about this episode in our lives. But now, I am the only one still standing. I guess all i can do is pray for a good outcome for myself and the other remaining patients.

As i was waiting to see the radiotherapist earlier, a guy sat next to me and asked me what i had. I told him i have leukemia. The man said to me, "your disease, there's no cure, i tell you." Can you believe this asshole? Surprised, i told him that i did go into remission after the last chemo, so hopefully things will go well. You know what he said? "I don't want to elaborate lah, if I tell you I'm sure you'll cry." And then he asked to see my palm, and he said, "so many lines.." I don't know what the heck he was trying to say. As I was about to tell him to fuck off, the doctor called my name, and saved me from the freak. That was a disturbing encounter.

Ah...finally my name is called. i'm going to see the radiographer to take my measurements now. Laters.